Beside the Seaside

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In Which I Evoke Marilyn Monroe, Robert Mitchum And, Err, Jim Carrey

September 5, 2006 by Mike

Stavanger

Route: Haugesund - Karmøy - Stavanger

I only rode 30 miles today. That and an 85-minute ferry ride is all that separates these two cities. That, and the island of Karmøy, which has ever such a little chip on its shoulder about being squeezed out of the picture of its neighbours.

Haugesund is the birthplace of Marilyn Monroe's father. If this isn't news to you you may have picked up this little nugget in my chum Charlie's excellent book Attention All Shipping. Though if you did, you won't know that I was there when Charlie visited Haugesund on his way to Utsira (as in.. "North Utsire, South Utsire, Cyclonic 5 or 6 becoming north or northwest 6 or 7, perhaps gale 8 later. Rain then showers. Moderate or poor becoming good...")

I also supplied him with the funniest line in the book. Sadly, it couldn't be used. And because it was funny solely at my expense, you won't see it here either. Ask Charlie if you see him, I'm sure he'd be happy to tell it to you.

--

(Me, Marilyn and Robert Mitchum - all half-Norwegian. Can you see the similarities?)

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Karmøy markets itself as "the most densely populated island in Norway." What that means in practise is "a 20 mile-long suburb" and "a 20-mile traffic jam." There are a handful of shops, a couple of petrol stations and three fields. Otherwise, it's all suburb.

Apart from the very northern tip and the very southern tip:

The very northern tip of Karmøy contains fascinating snippets of Norwegian history. Indeed, the narrow strip of water separating it from the mainland, the Nordvegen, gave its name to the whole country. A fascinating interactive museum-type thingy at Avaldsnes explains how Harald Hårfagre united the country late in the 10th century, though it manages to turn the whole experience into a Lord Of The Rings tribute.

And I had no idea until now that after being the first King of Norway, Harald later joined the Allman Brothers Band.

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The museum was opened by the Queen last year. It's big and clever, lavishly constructed and expensively appointed, well-staffed by enthusiastic experts, many in authentic costumes, and... I was the only visitor there. I had it all to myself.

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The very southern tip of Karmøy has a ferry connection to Stavanger, and 'Norway's Summer Town Of 2004', Skudeneshavn.

It's picture-perfect, 150 white-walled, red-roofed wooden houses cluster round the jetty; everything is scrubbed and brushed and freshly painted. In fact, it looks too perfect. I found one house that was looking a little worn. I'd be interested to know how long before the local Tourist Board pops round to No.27 to tell them to buck their ideas up.

These houses were built at the height of cod-fishing in the 19th century. Now preserved in aspic. But of course Skudeneshavn continues to grow. The new buildings are all white, all look wooden even if they aren't, all fit into the scheme of things. If anything, it reminded me of the town in The Truman Show - which turned out to be a film set, a false reconstruction of 'real life' made to look good for the cameras. Skudeneshavn is in danger of becoming a film set (for tourists' cameras) rather than a real, living, breathing town.

But it's very picturesque:

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And so to Stavanger, where my cousin and very good friend Fredrik is putting me up in his twelfth-floor luxury apartment. He fed me this evening in a city centre restaurant where The World's Most Beautiful Woman works behind the bar, introduced me to his fascinating colleagues and plied me with too many beers late into the night.

"How long do you think you'll be staying in Stavanger?" he asked.

I thought for a moment. "A couple of years."

And if the rain holds off, maybe a bit longer.

Comments

By mark | September 7, 2006 10:55 AM

so where's the pic of the most beautiful woman in the world then?

By KC | September 7, 2006 12:27 PM

Absolutly loverly pics Mike - proud of you and u do look very well on it all! Looking fwd to reading the latest on paper! reams of it gurgling out the machine! Librarian looks worried!!!Love kc - back in beccles library for old times sake..

By Charlie | September 7, 2006 4:01 PM

Funniest line? Would that be the time on Utsira when you got up, made a cup of coffee and had a shower at one o'clock in the morning, as you'd mistaken your mobile phone ringing for the alarm clock?

By Matthew | September 8, 2006 6:14 PM

Hi Mike, really enjoying your d-d-'diary' ( not so difficult to say and much better than 'Blog'- but surely 'Journal' isnt overstating the superior quality of your literally massive literary missives). Nick told us about your trip when we were visiting Norway in our camper last month. We stayed in a couple of nice campsites on the coast you're coming round to: at Mandal beach and Risor (Moen, I think) - Also we know someone who presents a radio show in Oslo -its a bit of a tenuous contact but it could get you on air which might be fun.... drop us a mail if your interested.

keep your motor running...and keep it clean , your Godmother could be reading this:)

By Mike With | September 9, 2006 9:09 AM

Mark
I can see it now:
"Excuse me, but can I take yr picture? It's for a friend.. who works for Playboy and... *oww*! Stop hitting me!"

KC
I'm only publishing the pictures where I lok half-decent...

Charlie
As I recall, it was the line "I suppose i'd better take my contact lenses out, then" that kept you awake chortling and guffawing the rest of the night. *sigh*

Matthew (and hello Celia!)
I'm heading off in that direction now.. really looking forward to it. Is it safe for me to tell people that I know you? Or will I be run out of town??

By celia | September 15, 2006 8:46 PM

yes your godmother has found you, never mind about the cleanliness it's your socks that worry me more. god tur.

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